“Answering the call to look into the mirror our children provide for us is the hallmark of a conscious parent.”
The Awakened Family: A Revolution in Parenting, Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Today, my daughter and I were at the neighborhood pool when a little girl approached us and asked if we wanted to play. We soon found out her name was Kate and she was 4 years old. Little Kate not only invited us to play, she told us the rules, what to play with, and how. She was sweet and funny and totally confident. My daughter wondered if Kate had parents at the pool, because she was in the water on her own and, from the looks of it, no one was concerned about her.
Raising a Family Raises Your Awareness
What I Realized…
That’s when it struck me that surely Kate wasn’t alone. Her mom sat in a chair checking her phone, reading a magazine, glancing over at Kate and another child who was swimming in the deeper end of the pool. Kate seemed well aware that her mom was nearby and that was good enough for her. She had her arm floats on, by the way, and she was very at home in the water. I tell you this story because it reminded of the book I just finished reading, The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. The entire book focuses on raising children through conscious parenting, so that they feel safe and secure, empowered, resilient, and become conscious themselves. It appears that Kate is well on her way at this time in her young life.
Summary
The overall message of the Awakened Family is that it takes courage to face ourselves. When we begin to understand that our children are only reflecting our fears, we gain the power to break free from old patterns and beliefs. Once we do, we can begin to cultivate relationships with our children based on mindfulness. Most importantly, we can nurture our children and help them to blossom into their truest selves.
In the Awakened Family, Dr. Tsabary begins by saying, “I see the ego as more like an image of ourselves we carry around in our head~a picture we hold of ourselves that may be far from who we are in our essential being.”
Much of the book is about the ego. It is the reason we tend to react to our children instead of responding to them. When we come from a place of reaction, it doesn’t appear logical. Therefore, our children don’t comprehend why our reactions don’t match the circumstances. This causes much of the challenge in relationships. Responsiveness allows for reflection and understanding which promotes peaceful resolutions.
One of the highlights of the book is how Dr. Tsabary, a psychologist, shares stories from her practice. Here she lists the problems and challenges parents want to fix, and how she gently invites them to look at things from a new perspective. She differentiates between compromise and collaboration. Compromise says someone is giving up something. Collaboration creates a third way, one that empowers both parent and child to work together.
Some of the topics covered in the book are how the culture plays into our parenting, parenting myths, presence, mindfulness, and how to understand the difference between emotional reactions and true feelings.
Insights
One of the most powerful things I brought with me from the book is the understanding of boundaries. I see them in a new light after reading The Awakened Family. “All disciplinary issues with children occur because of lack of discipline within the parent.” We can set clear and consistent boundaries when we know exactly what they are and why we need them. We also need to be able to physically and energetically feel the boundary in order for it to be felt and honored by our children.
Another very potent insight is that once one member of the family is awakened to this new way of parenting, the entire family begins the journey anew. It is only necessary for one to hold space for all to experience a wonderful shift. It may not always be the smoothest ride, but no matter how we parent, there will always be something to shake us to see and learn and grow. That is the nature of the parent-child relationship according to Shefali. I whole-heartedly receive the invitation to continue on this path of personal development and love.
I received the Awakened Family as a gift from my two sons last year for Mother’s Day. The more conscious I’ve become over the years, the more they have recognized and appreciated my efforts. We value one another. Conscious parenting is one of the most fulfilling aspects of my life. It is definitely a part of my legacy to my children.
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